Remembered no more

I've been thinking about forgiveness a fair bit over the last few days/weeks following a bible study and sermon at church. 

One thing that I find really difficult is to show an attitude of forgiveness to someone who has wronged me when there is no sign of repentance, or if they are unaware of what they have done.

I went on to read an article by RT Kendall in Christianity Today, 'Forgiving the unrepentant' (2005). He said that there are 6 ways that show that we have truly forgiven someone in our hearts:

(1) You do not tell anybody what they did to you (this would be trying to punish the one who hurt you);
(2) you do not try to intimidate them;
(3) you do not let them feel guilty;
(4) you let them save face;
(5) you accept the matter of total forgiveness as a "life sentence"—you have to keep doing it, indefinitely;
(6) you pray that they will be blessed and let off the hook.

This can be summed up by saying that the way that you relate to them, on all levels is not at all influenced by their actions against you. 

Reading through that list the first time initially made my toes curl. It felt uncomfortable. If someone has done wrong against me they need to know how much it has hurt me, or at least show remorse and repentance for the pain they have caused. Inbuilt in us we know that sin deserves punishment. 

Therefore the kind of forgiveness described above, with or without repentance, is costly. 

Essentially by offering this attitude of forgiveness you are deciding not to relate to someone on the basis of what they have done. By not broadcasting how you've been wronged, saving the offender from embarrassment and guilt and even showing your enemies love - in each of these actions- the cost, the hurt, the pain, it stays on you. 

It doesn't seem fair or right.

Until you look at the bigger picture. 

God, in his great mercy and love decided not to relate to us on the basis of what we have done. Even as Jesus was put to death on the cross, in Luke 23v34, he said; 

'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do'

He offered this attitude of forgiveness and then completed this by taking the full debt of our sin upon himself in death. This is far more costly than anything we experience when we are sinned against. 

So God's heart is a heart of forgiveness, but he is just and requires repentance for salvation. This is his greatest desire for us. When we do repent he not only forgives us, but he chooses to see us as completely perfect.

We mess this perfection up every day by continuing to fail him in more ways than we realise. But his attitude remains the same, he longs for us to keep running back, to continually yearn for a better relationship - he knows what we've done but he will never stop loving us. He is with us and will work through it with us for good.

When we read in the bible about how to relate to each other we are to always be free from bitterness, vengeance and hatred. We are to love our enemies, to forgive as we have been forgiven. This stands even when we receive no apology, but is a choice we can make, by the work of the Holy Spirit in us, because of what has been done for us.

I won't pretend that having this attitude of forgiveness is easy. But oh that we might understand better the grace we have received, so that this might grow in us. This requires us to pray for a heart of forgiveness and to think about all that has been done for us, giving praise to our infinitely forgiving heavenly Father. 

Reluctant Introvert

Always the quiet one.

Floundering when the small talk starts (I'm trying, please bear with me)

Swallowed up in a room full of people (especially if I don't know you all that well)

Slow to contribute (although I desperately want to)

Seemingly disinterested (but I'm listening to and thinking about every word)

Never anything worthwhile to say (although my thoughts are THUNDERING in my head)

Just about to speak (but then someone's said pretty much what I was going to say anyway, so I'll leave it)

The one with little confidence (- sometimes that's true)

Apparently awkward and perhaps boring (but you don't know me)

Go home deflated that I failed again (because quiet is bad, isn't it?)

Cut out

Last week I was chatting to my Mam and we got onto the topic of beauty and self-image. I listed my areas of dissatisfaction with myself and then talked about the ways I was planning to fix these things, along the lines of 'I know there are things wrong, but I am in control'. At that moment in time it seemed like such a big thing. The way I look and am perceived by others felt like a huge deal, I felt like no-one could understand. I felt ugly, frustrated, disappointed with myself. There were tears. 

Whilst I was surrounded by thoughts of myself, my Mam told me about my grandmother, my mother's mother. She was a soft, bubbly welsh lady. I remember her sweet comforting smell and her warm smiles. She was a loving and generous lady who delighted in seeing others happy. Every night she would spend hours cooking a full roast dinner with about 10 different types of vegetable (ok, yes, I exaggerate a little - but only a little!), followed by a home-made pudding. To me as a child/teenager she always seemed content and satisfied. 

But my Mam told me of how she too struggled with image. She disliked the way that she looked in so much in some photos that she cut her face out of them. 

She had a round face with prominent, youthful cheeks. My Mam told me that she did not consider herself beautiful and was embarrassed by the photos. But I knew her to be beautiful inside and out. When I have looked back at photos of her younger days I see that same beauty.

I never had an opportunity to ask Grandma why she cut herself out. Never got to ask what she disliked so much. It makes me sad that she felt this way.

But I can relate to my Grandma. I've inherited some of her features and probably struggle with similar things. With social media and photos available for all to see, instead of cutting ourselves out of photos, we choose to hide by 'detag'ging and removing photos from our pages.


But God doesn't cut us out. He doesn't detag. 

The truth is that God loves us whatever we look like- even as he loved his own Son (John 17v23).

To the point that he gave Jesus up for us (John 3v16)

He chose us (1 Thess 1v4)

We are God's handiwork ( Ephesians 2v10)...made by Him for his glory! (Romans 1v16)

We are made new in Christ (2 Corin 5v17)

One day we will be like Him when we see him - what a hope! (1 John 3v2)

We need each other

'See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.'

Hebrews 3:12-13

Continuing on from my last post, the health of our hearts is central to a living and thriving christian life. In the same way that when our physical hearts become hardened we die, we need to guard our hearts from becoming spiritually dead. Our personal relationship with God is important and without daily food from the bible and communication by prayer we will not be able to grow or be strengthened (see 1 Peter 2v2). But God has given us community. We need each other to keep going and for continued sanctification. We are called to encourage or exhort each other so that out hearts do not become hard and unbelieving. This is something that we will always need and so we are to continue to do this every day!

Encouraging things:

• Tell each other the truth of the gospel
• We have an inheritance in heaven (Heb 3v1)
• Jesus was faithful to God's will for him, for our salvation (v2, 6)
• We have confidence and hope in Jesus (v6)
• Jesus not only died to forgive us, but rose again overcoming death
• Jesus is seated in heaven, reigning in glory (v3)
• etc, etc...(I could never exhaust this list!)
• Share with each other answered prayers/ways in which God has been working in your life
• Pray for each other and with each other
• Listen to each others struggles
• Humbly point out the hard areas of our hearts
• In love show each other the places they fail
• Be truthful about your own struggles
• Practical things: 
• Bake a cake
• Help with shopping
• Cook a meal
• Spend time together
• Chat on the phone
• Hug
• Laugh together
• Cry together
• Play games together
• Share a meal
• etc...

Things that fail to encourage:

• Assume everyone else is sorted and doing ok
• Pretend you're doing ok
• Keep friendships as superficial as possible
• Hide your ugly parts
• Talk about mundane things
• Never speak about the gospel to each other
• Be too afraid to point out each other's failures
• ...unless you're gossiping about how annoying they are to someone else
• Fail to say hello to the new person sat next to you
• Sneak in and out of church talking to a bare minimum of people
• Isolate yourself
• Don't share life
• Mope about not being invited out to lunch but never seek to invite others

It's a heart thing

I've been thinking about emotions - why I think and feel the way that I do, why some feelings are so strong. I'd say that I'm quite an emotional person, maybe it's a girl thing? I feel life. Often my thoughts are about how I'm feeling and this can be good, but quite often this leads to frustration over my emotions and the impact that they have on my life. 

Reading 'Emotions: living life in colour' by Graham Beynon has been helpful in thinking about the reasons why we feel things. It has opened up to me an understanding that emotions can be good and right when they are in the right place in the right measure.

Emotions show us what our hearts prize the most, the things that we care about and value, the things we are passionate about. For example my feeling of disappointment and inadequacy is great when I handle or manage a situation at work badly. This is because I very much care about the opinion that my trainer has of me and I care about the well-being of the patient - but I also want my patient to think highly of me. In contrast, when England crashed out of the world cup my emotional response was minimal as I care little about football.

Our emotions in relationships are another example. There have been times when I have shared emotions with friends. Felt their excitement or joy, their fears and anxieties or cried with them. But there are also times when, to my shame, I have felt bitter and envious of another. Or even happy at another's misfortune. Our heart attitude in these things reveal how we truly regard each other. It shows how much we really care for and love each other and when we are actually just more bothered about ourselves.

At the centre of our emotions, at the centre of us, is our heart. Proverbs 4v23 says 'Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.' Our hearts direct our lives. It controls what we think, feel and do.

Feeling in a right way is part of God's ongoing work in us. He wants us to have good emotions in the right place and the right amount. This should give us hope! These emotions flow from truth - good feeling from good understanding.

- What does your heart treasure - how is this demonstrated by your emotions?
- Is guarding your heart important to you?
- How can we practically be guarding our hearts?

A little thank you

Thank you Lord for times of rest
Thank you for perfectly crafting new life which brings such joy and excitement
For the opportunity of seeing the crys and yawns and stretches and sleep
Thank you for holidays in hot sunny places (and not so hot or sunny places)
The beautiful scenery, delicious food and easy friendships
Thank you for opportunities to hear how you are changing lives and to celebrate Christ's transforming work in lives of the broken, lonely and helpless 
Thank you for family who let me come, eat, share, cry and leave
Thank you for brothers and sisters who help me to keep on running,
For friends who care about my spiritual well-being and ask me about it
And those who take time and care to help me to keep being fed

Thank you that your affection for me is unconditional
That salvation is by grace that never fails
So that one day I will see you face to face, my Saviour,
And my heart will be unwaveringly captivated by you for all eternity.

What's so good about 'Good' Friday?

Good Friday, the day that Jesus died. The day that he was condemned to death, mocked and beaten. Forced to carry his cross to the place where he was crucified alongside two criminals. Here they insulted him further, he was parched with thirst, forsaken by God his Father and he breathed his last.

How can the death of this perfect man be good in any way?

It's only when we take a few steps back and start to see the bigger picture that the wonderfulness of this day becomes clear. Don't you see, this was not an unfortunate turn of events outside of God's control! This wasn't  Jesus helplessly succumbing to the powers of the Pharisees, chief priests and Pilate's crowd-pleasing decisions.

In order to see the goodness we have to first understand some bad news. Right back at the beginning, through Adam's disobedience sin (wrong) came into the world. We follow this pattern and we too naturally stray from what is right. We fail to meet the standard that God requires of us - perfection.  God cannot tolerate wrong, so unless this is dealt with we cannot know him.When we break the law we deserve punishment. In the same way, the punishment for falling short of God's standards is death.

But even before the dawn of time God had a plan. A plan driven by love and undeserving kindness for the people he made, This plan we can trace through the whole Bible as a rescuer is promised. This plan is fulfilled in Jesus.

Jesus willingly became human and lived on earth. He humbled himself to nothing - born in a stable, worked as a carpenter and lived simply. He knew what it was to be tired and hungry, he was like us in every way - yet never did anything wrong. He is the only person who has ever lived up to God's standards of perfection.

His whole life was driven by his mission, to save us from what we deserve. Jesus perfectly and willingly obeyed his Father. Can you understand? At the cross, the wonderful cross, Jesus hung there in your place. An act of justice, our penalty paid in full. The greatest display of mercy, the nails we deserve, taken by the Son of God. Overwhelming grace - we can stand without guilt! Not only sin cancelled, but perfection given to us.

It is finished.

All is done for you, don't fight to try and earn God's favour. Look and see what has been done for you. He has achieved it for you and we have nothing to add. Run to God and accept this great gift.

How can we be sure? It's only Friday...but Sunday's a coming.

Sing yourself the truth

All of Becky Green's songs are thoroughly enriched with gospel goodness. Often I put on her albums when I am needing more than ever to rely on God. The music is easy listening and a great encouragement. Here are some of the lyrics from one of my favourites.

DRESS TO WEAR - Becky Green 

A King on His throne
You made the whole universe. 

Yet You stepped down
And lived as one of us.

You welcomed me in

And gave me a dress to wear 

You opened Your arms 

And called me a princess 

You welcomed me in 

And gave me a dress to wear 

A dress of righteousness.

There on the cross 

You showed your love for us 

By giving Your blood 

And taking the pain for us.

Lord open the gates 

And pour out Your glory now 

You’ve won our whole hearts 

You’re the King, You’re the King

Tell yourself the truth

There are many days when I choose to listen to and to believe lies. They don't seem like lies to me, but they are. How do I know that they are lies? They are untrue because they are not consistent with the gospel.

Constantly we have to remind ourselves of the truth of the gospel or else it fades and life crowds in. When Paul writes his letter to the Galatians he reminds them of the truth that saved them so that they continue in the same gospel because they are starting to stray. But Paul preaches the gospel clearly in all that he writes. The early church needed that to enable them to keep going. We need it too.

Yes, I am talking about personal time reading the bible regularly. I think, though, that there are many other ways in which we can talk the truth to ourselves too. It can be in the words of our friends. It can be in the facebook statuses and tweets of strangers. I follow certain organisations and people on twitter in order to have a regular dose of gospel in bite-size. It can be in blog posts. Even in writing this blog I have a way to speak the gospel to myself as try to figure out what a life following Jesus looks like. 

One way I find really helpful is in the lyrics of songs and hymns. I go through phases where I play a song to myself daily to help me focus my thoughts as I prepare to face the day. Sometimes when I find it hard to pray, songs help me find the words to say.

This week I'm going to share some of the songs that I have found particularly helpful to tell myself the truth. Perhaps you'd like to share some lyrics you find helpful too? Today I am posting the words from a modern song which is modelled on the Lord's prayer. For a period at university a number of years ago I listened to this song every day.

Your love is strong - Jon Foreman

Heavenly Father 

You always amaze me

Let your kingdom come 

In my world and in my life

You give me the food I need 

To live through the day

And forgive me as I forgive 

The people that wronged me

Lead me far from temptation

Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window 

The birds are composing

Not a note is out of tune 

Or out of place

I look at the meadow 

And stare at the flowers

Better dressed than any girl 

On her wedding day

So why do I worry?

Why do I freak out?

God knows what I need

You know what I need

Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens 

Is now advancing

Invade my heart 

Invade this broken town

The kingdom of the heavens 

Is buried treasure

Will you sell yourself 

To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me

That you are strong

And you love me

Yes, you love me

Our God in heaven

Hallowed be

Thy name above all names

Your kingdom come

Your will be done

On earth as it is in heaven

Give us today our daily bread

Forgive us wicked sinners

Lead us far away from our vices

And deliver us from these prisons

Mother's Day

As the sun peaked round the cloud-filled sky, people spilled onto the streets laden with bouquets of flowers and cards to deliver these small tokens of appreciation for their Mums. Yesterday was the national day of celebration and thanks for all mothers, the women who brought us into the world. 


We celebrate their love, their sacrifices, their provision, their generosity and protection. These are the women we go to for hugs and who we need in difficult times. The ones we look to as role models, as our guides to life.

Mothers can provide these things to some extent, but we are still left needing more. We live in a broken world and often mothers and children fall short of our roles. Mother's day can itself be a disappointment. As families spend time together it is tainted by squabbles and hurt. Perhaps it is the pain of memories of mothers or children lost. A pointed reminder of broken families. A day of deferred hope for those wanting to know if they'll ever be a mother. Deeply hurtful for those who know they never will be.

Even if we don't have that mother-child relationship, there is someone who can give us all that we yearn for in that relationship. God provides, perfectly in Jesus, all that a mother provides and so much more.

He is the one who loves perfectly, who gave up everything, even his life, to save us. He provides us with ALL that we need and provides us with a hope that is unshakable. He is the greatest comfort and refuge. He is our perfect, unblemished role model. 

Psalm 100

A psalm. For giving grateful praise.

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth

Worship the Lord with gladness;

Know that the Lord is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his;

We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving

and his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;

his faithfulness continues through all generations. 

We read this psalm at church on mother's day to give thanks for the one who gave us our mothers.

Although my relationship with my mother is imperfect, I am so thankful to God for my Mam. A woman who has a tender loving spirit. Who above all loves God and desires to grow in her knowledge and love of him. She is my friend and encourager. She points me to my saviour. So together we give thanks to God for all he has done for us.

Reunion

Last weekend was a wonderful weekend.

I didn't go away very far, just down the road, but it felt like miles from home and that was refreshing. It was for a reunion of some friends from university, some of whom I had not seen for a few years. It was decided that we should go to Sherwood Forest and stay in what they call a 'lodge'. There was a fully equipped kitchen to cook for ourselves and we had a lovely homely space to enjoy each other's company. Despite the time of year the weather was beautiful and we made the most of enjoying the outdoors. It was like a pedestrian-and-bike-only wooden village with lakes scattered with canoes, and trees as far as the eye can see. 

We pedalled round 'dinging' our bells and merrily picking up our conversations where we had left off weeks or months before. We had shared so much of our lives whilst we were at university so it was natural to be back altogether. We could see how each of us had simultaneously changed so much and yet continued to be much the same. We reminisced about old times reliving the joy of what we remember to be carefree times. We once again stayed up late putting the world to rights, sharing our common moans. We retold our jokes, we sang at the top of our voices, we danced around in our pyjamas, just because we could.

Last weekend was a wonderful weekend. 

The search for true beauty

This is a difficult and painful subject to talk about. There are many many women and men who have struggled with these issues. If that is you, I pray that this post may help direct your gaze upwards, to Jesus Christ. Sol Deo Gloria.

I had been asked to be bridesmaid, the chief bridesmaid. It was the first time I had been asked since I had been a flower girl for my Auntie as a child. I was filled with excitement and anticipation. But there was a problem, when I looked in the mirror I did’t like what I saw. I was fat and ugly. Horribly, hugely fat. I was ashamed of how I was, and in that state did not want to follow my friend down the aisle.

To add to this I heard that a good uni friend was also to be a bridesmaid that year. She had talked about dieting and trying to get fitter for the big day. The challenge was there, I had something to compete against. Bring it on.

I love structure and lists. I planned out my week by week exercise regime. Get up at 6am, alternate days of an hour in the gym or a swim. Everything I ate I wrote down, keeping detailed lists of the calorie intake and obsessively setting my threshold lower and lower. Most meals became soup and lunch was a plate of vegetables, with perhaps a ryvita on the side if I was 'good'.

It was satisfying. My clothes were getting looser and I felt healthier. I thrived on comments from others who saw I had lost weight. I compared myself to my slender housemates, jealous that they were pretty and slim seemingly effortlessly. I competed against the other bridesmaid–to-be. It spiralled. The wedding came and went, but a new goal was set. Just to lose a few more pounds, drop another dress size. People started to question if I was ok, but I just shrugged it off.

My life revolved around my image. It was ruling my every waking thought and governed all that I did. This had taken centre stage in my life. I was still read my bible, went to church, even helped to lead the CU but my life was lived to the idol of beauty and Jesus had taken a back seat. I would tell myself it was just for a period of time and then I’d stop.

Rebeca Cygnus source: soulseeds

But I couldn't, I had an obsession verging on an eating disorder. Through the input of loved ones and friends I was helped to see it couldn’t go on. It was a slow road back, complicated by ups and downs. Much to my anger and frustration one friend physically dragged me to see the doctor following a period when I started binging and then locking myself in the bathroom to force myself to vomit the food I had consumed. And I hated myself for it. I resented gaining weight, constantly writing in my diary that I needed to get some discipline back and then I could be thinner again.

I had a tension going on inside. I knew that my attitude was wrong. I knew it wasn't satisfying me. I thought I wanted to please God with my life, but surely I could do that better if I was a thinner, more beautiful person? I was fooling myself that I was in control. I knew I was rebelling and it felt horrible, but I couldn't give up the control. 

It wasn't as straightforward as just getting over that obsession though. Although with support and help my behaviour altered and over time I became healthier again there were other things to take its place; work, exam success, possessions, pride to name but a few. Each had a turn as the most important thing I could use to feel in control. The outward struggle was overcome but the heart pattern remained the same.

It was only when I was pointed to the gospel that I found some release from the grasp of my idols. Tim Keller writes in his book 'Counterfeit Gods' 

'Idolatry is not just a failure to obey God, it is setting the whole heart on something besides God. This cannot be remedied only by repenting that you have an idol, or using willpower to try to live differently. Turning from idols is not less than those two things, but it is also far more. 'Setting the heart and mind on things above' where 'your life is hid with Christ in God' (Colossians 3:1-3) means appreciation, rejoicing and resting in what Jesus has done for you. It entails joyful worship, a sense of God's reality in prayer. Jesus must become more beautiful to your imagination, more attractive to your heart, than your idol. That is what will uproot your counterfeit god.'

As God has graciously revealed the beauty of his Son, and all that he has done, to me I realised the worthlessness of the things that I kept putting my trust in. In beginning to understanding the extent of Jesus' unconditional, unfathomable love for me, whatever I looked like or achieved, I could see that glorying in (finding my worth in) anything other was a waste of time. 

I can't pretend that I'm sorted. I still battle against these idols repeatedly, but I will always have something greater. I can daily remember and rejoice in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Identity

Growing up, being half welsh, there were always some welsh cakes to be found in a tin in the kitchen if you felt peckish. They remind me of some special people; my Mam, my Grandma and some good welsh friends. For an excellent welsh cake, in my books, it has to be a little undercooked in the middle, with plenty of sultanas (and ONLY sultanas, none of the mixed peel or chocolate chips please) and baked on a griddle. Mmmm!

With it being St David's day yesterday I decided to make some in celebration. Making up the mixture is relatively easy. It is the baking which requires time and patience and even then it is hard to get them just right. It was easier to put it off, so I procrastinated for a bit and started to write this.

Identity is what makes us who we are, it is what defines us. Embracing my (half)-welsh identity is something I only do from time to time, like St David's day. It's something that is not always evident and to be honest I wouldn't make a point of telling people about it. Sadly though, much of the time, my true identity is not apparent either. This identity that I'm talking about is as a citizen of a future kingdom, the kingdom of heaven. 

Christians have this identity because the ruler of this heavenly kingdom, Jesus, has enabled us to enter citizenship by coming to earth and providing a way in. He frees us from our failures and enables us to live a life of faith, with a sure hope now and forever. If I truly grasped the greatness of this gift of new identity, how could I hide it?

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes...for in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written 'The righteous shall live by faith'" Romans 1:16-17

Where is your identity?

The awkward walrus

'I like being a little bit awkward'. These were my sister's words of wisdom, a little while back halfway through dinner when we were having a big catch up, reflecting on recent happenings in our lives. We had a quite a giggle about it - we both recognised that we are good at creating or finding ourselves in awkward situations.

This is not a new revelation though. In my student house at university, it was such a commonly used description that we decided to adopt a new awkward animal (you know, like the awkward turtle). My housemate's boyfriend volunteered that the walrus fitted this role perfectly and from that time on we had many 'walrus-ey' moments. (In fact sometimes I think we made things awkward so we could bring out those tusks!)

When you are with people you don't know so well it can be painfully difficult. When the words slip out and don't quite sound like you thought they would, or you're trying to make small talk and you just sound stupid, or the long pause....

All of us have our different quirks and oddities. Some awkwardness is because you know that a relationship isn't natural. It isn't as you know it could and/should be. Perhaps that's because you simply don't know the person very well, for example it's one of the first times you have met. The guards are up and so a nervous giggle is spilled or you stutter and stumble over words. Some of it is tied up in wanting to come across well to another person. I think pride has a lot to answer for! The need to be accepted raises the stakes and in trying to suppress all of the things you think people won't like an awkward version of you appears at times.

Whatever the reason for 'tusking', I think there are times when awkwardness can be redeemed. What I mean is that when a situation seems beyond repair because of something you have said or done but the other person doesn't let that affect the relationship. When you are with close friends or family the comfort of deep relationship can swallow up the embarrassment quickly leaving you with just funny memories. 

It is more striking though when it is a stranger who acts in this way. As a shy person in a new place there have been a few occasions when I have felt deflated because I think that my words or actions have ruined a possible friendship only to be graciously accepted by the other person despite this. This way in which love is shown is so wonderfully humbling, especially when it is with someone you hardly know. These times are a beautiful glimpse of the way that Jesus Christ sees us and embraces us despite our flaws. His acceptance is even to the point of giving up his life for us!

'This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No-one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.' 1 John 4 vv10-12

Embrace the walrus!

I want to know

We've been reading through Philippians in homegroup recently. We're coming to the end now, but when we were studying chapter 3 we came to a verse which kept playing on my mind. 

'I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.' Phil 3 vv 10-11

The bit that I feel is difficult to get my head round is what it really means to know Christ and the power of his resurrection. Ok, so wanting to know Christ is something that I desire, and have desired since I first came to understand the gospel (and want to desire more than I do). But what does it look like to know him? What does it mean to know the power of his resurrection in my life? I'm not just talking a head knowledge here. I mean, what does it really mean to live like I know the power of Christ's resurrection?

I've pondered this verse over time and chatted to some friends to try and help unpack it a bit. 

Death is the consequence of sin, originating from the fall (Genesis 3). It is what every man deserves and the end of all humanity. Jesus became man (see Phil 2) he lived as one of us, worked as one of us and died as one of us. But he was a man that never sinned. 

Jesus Christ did not deserve death, but in his dying he took upon himself the sin of the whole of humanity. Jesus was forsaken (disowned) by God at the cross and faced His judgement and righteous anger - the anger we deserve. He died, but the grave couldn't hold him. After three days, as Jesus had said before, he rose again. Death did not win, life did.

The power of the resurrection is Jesus Christ conquering sin and overcoming death. It is the rule of Christ in his rightful place at the right hand of God in heaven with all things under him bringing him praise and glory.

It is the power of the resurrection at work in our lives which makes us Christians. It enables us to be assured of the fact that the punishment of our sin has been satisfied and we are no longer enemies of God. And it is also the living hope of our future resurrection - a physical future life under Christ's righteous rule when he returns or our time on earth ends. 

So it is a power known in our past and a hope we have for the future, but knowing Christ and the power of his resurrection is something I think we can see in our lives each day if we are Christians. We see it in each little victory we have over sin. The power of the resurrection is when God's grace breaks into our lives to overcome the power of death (brought by the fall). It is when it is demonstrated in our lives that sin doesn't have the upper hand.

So, for a simple example, I often get cross about small things. Sometimes I feel too tired to wash my dishes, but there are times when the dirty crockery mounts up by the side of the sink and I direct my frustration towards others. I am angry at their laziness or somehow feel I deserve better. It is the power of the resurrection in my life when my attitude is transformed and I want to do the washing up out of love, as a way to serve my housemates.

Isn't wonderful the way in which the resurrection can have power in our lives now? I don't pretend that it is as evident in my life as I would like it to be, but I am so excited about the work God is doing in and through us!

In the patient's chair

As I sat in the waiting room, I looked around at the other people in the same position. 'Did they have butterflies in their stomach like me?'. It surprised me about how anxious I was getting about something that, from the other side, is an everyday occurrence for me. I was waiting to see a doctor. 

Thoughts were running through my head as I collected the important facts I wanted to convey ...how many questions should I ask? Should I mention the paper I have read about the treatment? Will he test my knowledge? Will he expect me to know more than I do? What if he tells me off for not having my blood tests done recently? (Yeah, you can tell I'm medical!).

Although I was distracted by all of this from the corner of my eye I saw a medical student knock on the consultant's door and slip inside. I fought hard against the heartsink feeling, willing myself to remember what it was like to be that (mostly ignored) person sat in the corner soaking in the consultation, dodging  the odd question fired in your direction and hoping to make the most of each short learning opportunity. 

The door opposite me opened and my name was called. He called me Dr. A further flood of thoughts washed through my brain. Ok, so that confirms he knows my identity. I'm an insider on the outside. Nowhere to hide now. My heartbeat was palpable and I took a deep breath, stood up slowly and followed him into his lair.

In a flash it was over. I had been questioned briefly, examined by the student, and then the consultant and then the student again. The treatment option was presented to me and before I knew it I had agreed. 

As I walked back into the waiting room I felt much lighter. It hadn't been so bad after all. 

I'm back in the comfortable chair now, behind the doctor's desk. I have two identities and sometimes the one forgets the other, so I am grateful for reminders such as this to bring me back to the reality of what it is like to be a patient. I may not be able to change the way that the patients in my waiting room feel, but I'd like to become a doctor who can allay those fears once they step into the consultation room.

Merge in turn

Sat in a queue of traffic on the way to work the other day I noticed a sign I read every day. It says: 'Merge in turn', an instruction for all of the cars to fall in line, follow the same road, continue one after another.

Sometimes life can feel a little bit like that - especially, it feels, in my line of work. You have to complete the next assessment, do the next exam, choose your specialist area, apply for the next job to keep in line and to keep up. Or generally in life there is a pattern that we're expected to go; choose the university you will go to, graduate, get a job, get married, buy a house, have children, retire...

Sometimes life just feels like a bit of a conveyor belt.

But sometimes it feels like the merging doesn't come. There are delays or hiccups along the way, along with dashed hopes and unfulfilled desires.

As I pondered this, with the windscreen wipers moaning at me and the stop-start traffic crawling along, I started thinking about other senses of the phrase. There is one type of merging that is sure. It is happening no matter what. It's not mundane though - it's pretty wonderful. As Christians we have a promise given to us from God.

'For those God knew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son' (Romans 8v29)

God knows us and is changing us to fall in line with his design for us (see Genesis 1v27). This design is to be like Him (Wow!). This is a forward moving and irreversible trajectory that does not depend on us, but is by the work of the Holy Spirit in us. It will be completed when we meet him in heaven (1 John 3v2). 

He knows us intimately and wants what is best for us. If God is working in our lives this way, surely we can see that he has got our humdrum day to day life covered! He knows and cares about our frustrations and longings (Romans 8v28).

So next time you're sat in traffic, think about what God has been doing in your life and the way he is changing the Christians you know. Praise God for his continuing work at merging us in line how we are designed to be.

Figuring things out

I'm not really much of a writer. I never have been. I like reading and I like writing, but they've never really come all that naturally to me. 

I can sense some of you thinking 'Why are you writing this blog then?' or perhaps, more importantly 'Why should I bother reading this blog?'. I'd say that would be fair to ask.

It's not the first time I've blogged either you know. Inspired on a whim after watching a film. But that was not anything worth writing home about. I managed to post something (about cake mainly) intermittently for about 10 months before surrendering in defeat.

I'm not writing to share any wisdom, I don't have any wisdom to offer. I can't cleverly articulate a point, so it's not to wow you with words. 

My aim in doing this is to collect some thoughts and muddle my way through, thinking on God's word and reflecting on day-to-day happenings. 

So I can't promise that this is going to be anything special. I guess I'm just trying to figure out what life 'under the shadow' looks like by sharing some simple thoughts. 

I'd be honoured if you would join me.

Under the shadow of his wings

Ruth lost her husband. Now she has given up her life, her prospects and has moved to a strange land to support Naomi, her mother-in-law. She has been able to get work gleaning in a nearby field, owned by a man called Boaz. Despite being a foreigner she is protected, provided for and given refreshment. Ruth cannot understand why she should be treated so well by Boaz and questions him. This is his response:

'The Lord repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.' Ruth 2 verse 12

Ruth has made a huge sacrifice and shown great love in all that she has done. So is Boaz saying that it is a repayment then for what she has done?

No, the response is different. Yes, Ruth has acted well, but there is something more important than this. Ruth has come to find safety under the wings of God. Small, vulnerable and threatened coming to God for refuge and counting his protection better than all other things she could rest in. God's chief aim is to bring glory to himself, and in pleading for God's gracious refuge He is glorified. God honours this request and so provides perfect protection. Therefore the point is that she will be rewarded not for the work she has put in, but because of taking refuge under God's wings.

This blog is by a wanderer who, by grace, has come to find mercy, redemption, hope, joy, and rest under the shadow of God's wings.