In the patient's chair

As I sat in the waiting room, I looked around at the other people in the same position. 'Did they have butterflies in their stomach like me?'. It surprised me about how anxious I was getting about something that, from the other side, is an everyday occurrence for me. I was waiting to see a doctor. 

Thoughts were running through my head as I collected the important facts I wanted to convey ...how many questions should I ask? Should I mention the paper I have read about the treatment? Will he test my knowledge? Will he expect me to know more than I do? What if he tells me off for not having my blood tests done recently? (Yeah, you can tell I'm medical!).

Although I was distracted by all of this from the corner of my eye I saw a medical student knock on the consultant's door and slip inside. I fought hard against the heartsink feeling, willing myself to remember what it was like to be that (mostly ignored) person sat in the corner soaking in the consultation, dodging  the odd question fired in your direction and hoping to make the most of each short learning opportunity. 

The door opposite me opened and my name was called. He called me Dr. A further flood of thoughts washed through my brain. Ok, so that confirms he knows my identity. I'm an insider on the outside. Nowhere to hide now. My heartbeat was palpable and I took a deep breath, stood up slowly and followed him into his lair.

In a flash it was over. I had been questioned briefly, examined by the student, and then the consultant and then the student again. The treatment option was presented to me and before I knew it I had agreed. 

As I walked back into the waiting room I felt much lighter. It hadn't been so bad after all. 

I'm back in the comfortable chair now, behind the doctor's desk. I have two identities and sometimes the one forgets the other, so I am grateful for reminders such as this to bring me back to the reality of what it is like to be a patient. I may not be able to change the way that the patients in my waiting room feel, but I'd like to become a doctor who can allay those fears once they step into the consultation room.