Reluctant Introvert

Always the quiet one.

Floundering when the small talk starts (I'm trying, please bear with me)

Swallowed up in a room full of people (especially if I don't know you all that well)

Slow to contribute (although I desperately want to)

Seemingly disinterested (but I'm listening to and thinking about every word)

Never anything worthwhile to say (although my thoughts are THUNDERING in my head)

Just about to speak (but then someone's said pretty much what I was going to say anyway, so I'll leave it)

The one with little confidence (- sometimes that's true)

Apparently awkward and perhaps boring (but you don't know me)

Go home deflated that I failed again (because quiet is bad, isn't it?)

Cut out

Last week I was chatting to my Mam and we got onto the topic of beauty and self-image. I listed my areas of dissatisfaction with myself and then talked about the ways I was planning to fix these things, along the lines of 'I know there are things wrong, but I am in control'. At that moment in time it seemed like such a big thing. The way I look and am perceived by others felt like a huge deal, I felt like no-one could understand. I felt ugly, frustrated, disappointed with myself. There were tears. 

Whilst I was surrounded by thoughts of myself, my Mam told me about my grandmother, my mother's mother. She was a soft, bubbly welsh lady. I remember her sweet comforting smell and her warm smiles. She was a loving and generous lady who delighted in seeing others happy. Every night she would spend hours cooking a full roast dinner with about 10 different types of vegetable (ok, yes, I exaggerate a little - but only a little!), followed by a home-made pudding. To me as a child/teenager she always seemed content and satisfied. 

But my Mam told me of how she too struggled with image. She disliked the way that she looked in so much in some photos that she cut her face out of them. 

She had a round face with prominent, youthful cheeks. My Mam told me that she did not consider herself beautiful and was embarrassed by the photos. But I knew her to be beautiful inside and out. When I have looked back at photos of her younger days I see that same beauty.

I never had an opportunity to ask Grandma why she cut herself out. Never got to ask what she disliked so much. It makes me sad that she felt this way.

But I can relate to my Grandma. I've inherited some of her features and probably struggle with similar things. With social media and photos available for all to see, instead of cutting ourselves out of photos, we choose to hide by 'detag'ging and removing photos from our pages.


But God doesn't cut us out. He doesn't detag. 

The truth is that God loves us whatever we look like- even as he loved his own Son (John 17v23).

To the point that he gave Jesus up for us (John 3v16)

He chose us (1 Thess 1v4)

We are God's handiwork ( Ephesians 2v10)...made by Him for his glory! (Romans 1v16)

We are made new in Christ (2 Corin 5v17)

One day we will be like Him when we see him - what a hope! (1 John 3v2)

We need each other

'See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.'

Hebrews 3:12-13

Continuing on from my last post, the health of our hearts is central to a living and thriving christian life. In the same way that when our physical hearts become hardened we die, we need to guard our hearts from becoming spiritually dead. Our personal relationship with God is important and without daily food from the bible and communication by prayer we will not be able to grow or be strengthened (see 1 Peter 2v2). But God has given us community. We need each other to keep going and for continued sanctification. We are called to encourage or exhort each other so that out hearts do not become hard and unbelieving. This is something that we will always need and so we are to continue to do this every day!

Encouraging things:

• Tell each other the truth of the gospel
• We have an inheritance in heaven (Heb 3v1)
• Jesus was faithful to God's will for him, for our salvation (v2, 6)
• We have confidence and hope in Jesus (v6)
• Jesus not only died to forgive us, but rose again overcoming death
• Jesus is seated in heaven, reigning in glory (v3)
• etc, etc...(I could never exhaust this list!)
• Share with each other answered prayers/ways in which God has been working in your life
• Pray for each other and with each other
• Listen to each others struggles
• Humbly point out the hard areas of our hearts
• In love show each other the places they fail
• Be truthful about your own struggles
• Practical things: 
• Bake a cake
• Help with shopping
• Cook a meal
• Spend time together
• Chat on the phone
• Hug
• Laugh together
• Cry together
• Play games together
• Share a meal
• etc...

Things that fail to encourage:

• Assume everyone else is sorted and doing ok
• Pretend you're doing ok
• Keep friendships as superficial as possible
• Hide your ugly parts
• Talk about mundane things
• Never speak about the gospel to each other
• Be too afraid to point out each other's failures
• ...unless you're gossiping about how annoying they are to someone else
• Fail to say hello to the new person sat next to you
• Sneak in and out of church talking to a bare minimum of people
• Isolate yourself
• Don't share life
• Mope about not being invited out to lunch but never seek to invite others

It's a heart thing

I've been thinking about emotions - why I think and feel the way that I do, why some feelings are so strong. I'd say that I'm quite an emotional person, maybe it's a girl thing? I feel life. Often my thoughts are about how I'm feeling and this can be good, but quite often this leads to frustration over my emotions and the impact that they have on my life. 

Reading 'Emotions: living life in colour' by Graham Beynon has been helpful in thinking about the reasons why we feel things. It has opened up to me an understanding that emotions can be good and right when they are in the right place in the right measure.

Emotions show us what our hearts prize the most, the things that we care about and value, the things we are passionate about. For example my feeling of disappointment and inadequacy is great when I handle or manage a situation at work badly. This is because I very much care about the opinion that my trainer has of me and I care about the well-being of the patient - but I also want my patient to think highly of me. In contrast, when England crashed out of the world cup my emotional response was minimal as I care little about football.

Our emotions in relationships are another example. There have been times when I have shared emotions with friends. Felt their excitement or joy, their fears and anxieties or cried with them. But there are also times when, to my shame, I have felt bitter and envious of another. Or even happy at another's misfortune. Our heart attitude in these things reveal how we truly regard each other. It shows how much we really care for and love each other and when we are actually just more bothered about ourselves.

At the centre of our emotions, at the centre of us, is our heart. Proverbs 4v23 says 'Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.' Our hearts direct our lives. It controls what we think, feel and do.

Feeling in a right way is part of God's ongoing work in us. He wants us to have good emotions in the right place and the right amount. This should give us hope! These emotions flow from truth - good feeling from good understanding.

- What does your heart treasure - how is this demonstrated by your emotions?
- Is guarding your heart important to you?
- How can we practically be guarding our hearts?

A little thank you

Thank you Lord for times of rest
Thank you for perfectly crafting new life which brings such joy and excitement
For the opportunity of seeing the crys and yawns and stretches and sleep
Thank you for holidays in hot sunny places (and not so hot or sunny places)
The beautiful scenery, delicious food and easy friendships
Thank you for opportunities to hear how you are changing lives and to celebrate Christ's transforming work in lives of the broken, lonely and helpless 
Thank you for family who let me come, eat, share, cry and leave
Thank you for brothers and sisters who help me to keep on running,
For friends who care about my spiritual well-being and ask me about it
And those who take time and care to help me to keep being fed

Thank you that your affection for me is unconditional
That salvation is by grace that never fails
So that one day I will see you face to face, my Saviour,
And my heart will be unwaveringly captivated by you for all eternity.

What's so good about 'Good' Friday?

Good Friday, the day that Jesus died. The day that he was condemned to death, mocked and beaten. Forced to carry his cross to the place where he was crucified alongside two criminals. Here they insulted him further, he was parched with thirst, forsaken by God his Father and he breathed his last.

How can the death of this perfect man be good in any way?

It's only when we take a few steps back and start to see the bigger picture that the wonderfulness of this day becomes clear. Don't you see, this was not an unfortunate turn of events outside of God's control! This wasn't  Jesus helplessly succumbing to the powers of the Pharisees, chief priests and Pilate's crowd-pleasing decisions.

In order to see the goodness we have to first understand some bad news. Right back at the beginning, through Adam's disobedience sin (wrong) came into the world. We follow this pattern and we too naturally stray from what is right. We fail to meet the standard that God requires of us - perfection.  God cannot tolerate wrong, so unless this is dealt with we cannot know him.When we break the law we deserve punishment. In the same way, the punishment for falling short of God's standards is death.

But even before the dawn of time God had a plan. A plan driven by love and undeserving kindness for the people he made, This plan we can trace through the whole Bible as a rescuer is promised. This plan is fulfilled in Jesus.

Jesus willingly became human and lived on earth. He humbled himself to nothing - born in a stable, worked as a carpenter and lived simply. He knew what it was to be tired and hungry, he was like us in every way - yet never did anything wrong. He is the only person who has ever lived up to God's standards of perfection.

His whole life was driven by his mission, to save us from what we deserve. Jesus perfectly and willingly obeyed his Father. Can you understand? At the cross, the wonderful cross, Jesus hung there in your place. An act of justice, our penalty paid in full. The greatest display of mercy, the nails we deserve, taken by the Son of God. Overwhelming grace - we can stand without guilt! Not only sin cancelled, but perfection given to us.

It is finished.

All is done for you, don't fight to try and earn God's favour. Look and see what has been done for you. He has achieved it for you and we have nothing to add. Run to God and accept this great gift.

How can we be sure? It's only Friday...but Sunday's a coming.

Sing yourself the truth

All of Becky Green's songs are thoroughly enriched with gospel goodness. Often I put on her albums when I am needing more than ever to rely on God. The music is easy listening and a great encouragement. Here are some of the lyrics from one of my favourites.

DRESS TO WEAR - Becky Green 

A King on His throne
You made the whole universe. 

Yet You stepped down
And lived as one of us.

You welcomed me in

And gave me a dress to wear 

You opened Your arms 

And called me a princess 

You welcomed me in 

And gave me a dress to wear 

A dress of righteousness.

There on the cross 

You showed your love for us 

By giving Your blood 

And taking the pain for us.

Lord open the gates 

And pour out Your glory now 

You’ve won our whole hearts 

You’re the King, You’re the King