Reluctant Introvert

Always the quiet one.

Floundering when the small talk starts (I'm trying, please bear with me)

Swallowed up in a room full of people (especially if I don't know you all that well)

Slow to contribute (although I desperately want to)

Seemingly disinterested (but I'm listening to and thinking about every word)

Never anything worthwhile to say (although my thoughts are THUNDERING in my head)

Just about to speak (but then someone's said pretty much what I was going to say anyway, so I'll leave it)

The one with little confidence (- sometimes that's true)

Apparently awkward and perhaps boring (but you don't know me)

Go home deflated that I failed again (because quiet is bad, isn't it?)

Cut out

Last week I was chatting to my Mam and we got onto the topic of beauty and self-image. I listed my areas of dissatisfaction with myself and then talked about the ways I was planning to fix these things, along the lines of 'I know there are things wrong, but I am in control'. At that moment in time it seemed like such a big thing. The way I look and am perceived by others felt like a huge deal, I felt like no-one could understand. I felt ugly, frustrated, disappointed with myself. There were tears. 

Whilst I was surrounded by thoughts of myself, my Mam told me about my grandmother, my mother's mother. She was a soft, bubbly welsh lady. I remember her sweet comforting smell and her warm smiles. She was a loving and generous lady who delighted in seeing others happy. Every night she would spend hours cooking a full roast dinner with about 10 different types of vegetable (ok, yes, I exaggerate a little - but only a little!), followed by a home-made pudding. To me as a child/teenager she always seemed content and satisfied. 

But my Mam told me of how she too struggled with image. She disliked the way that she looked in so much in some photos that she cut her face out of them. 

She had a round face with prominent, youthful cheeks. My Mam told me that she did not consider herself beautiful and was embarrassed by the photos. But I knew her to be beautiful inside and out. When I have looked back at photos of her younger days I see that same beauty.

I never had an opportunity to ask Grandma why she cut herself out. Never got to ask what she disliked so much. It makes me sad that she felt this way.

But I can relate to my Grandma. I've inherited some of her features and probably struggle with similar things. With social media and photos available for all to see, instead of cutting ourselves out of photos, we choose to hide by 'detag'ging and removing photos from our pages.


But God doesn't cut us out. He doesn't detag. 

The truth is that God loves us whatever we look like- even as he loved his own Son (John 17v23).

To the point that he gave Jesus up for us (John 3v16)

He chose us (1 Thess 1v4)

We are God's handiwork ( Ephesians 2v10)...made by Him for his glory! (Romans 1v16)

We are made new in Christ (2 Corin 5v17)

One day we will be like Him when we see him - what a hope! (1 John 3v2)

We need each other

'See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.'

Hebrews 3:12-13

Continuing on from my last post, the health of our hearts is central to a living and thriving christian life. In the same way that when our physical hearts become hardened we die, we need to guard our hearts from becoming spiritually dead. Our personal relationship with God is important and without daily food from the bible and communication by prayer we will not be able to grow or be strengthened (see 1 Peter 2v2). But God has given us community. We need each other to keep going and for continued sanctification. We are called to encourage or exhort each other so that out hearts do not become hard and unbelieving. This is something that we will always need and so we are to continue to do this every day!

Encouraging things:

• Tell each other the truth of the gospel
• We have an inheritance in heaven (Heb 3v1)
• Jesus was faithful to God's will for him, for our salvation (v2, 6)
• We have confidence and hope in Jesus (v6)
• Jesus not only died to forgive us, but rose again overcoming death
• Jesus is seated in heaven, reigning in glory (v3)
• etc, etc...(I could never exhaust this list!)
• Share with each other answered prayers/ways in which God has been working in your life
• Pray for each other and with each other
• Listen to each others struggles
• Humbly point out the hard areas of our hearts
• In love show each other the places they fail
• Be truthful about your own struggles
• Practical things: 
• Bake a cake
• Help with shopping
• Cook a meal
• Spend time together
• Chat on the phone
• Hug
• Laugh together
• Cry together
• Play games together
• Share a meal
• etc...

Things that fail to encourage:

• Assume everyone else is sorted and doing ok
• Pretend you're doing ok
• Keep friendships as superficial as possible
• Hide your ugly parts
• Talk about mundane things
• Never speak about the gospel to each other
• Be too afraid to point out each other's failures
• ...unless you're gossiping about how annoying they are to someone else
• Fail to say hello to the new person sat next to you
• Sneak in and out of church talking to a bare minimum of people
• Isolate yourself
• Don't share life
• Mope about not being invited out to lunch but never seek to invite others